Redemption in a Cry
by NCCJFAN
Summary: After returning to Boston from a year's training in Atlanta with the CDC, Jordan finds more than just her relationship with Woody has changed. She's changed. She now knows what she wants out of life...does Woody fit anywhere in this picture? FINISHED!
1. A Year in Atlanta

**Disclaimer: None of them are mine….wouldn't begin to know what to do with them if they were, but would have a really good time trying….**

**Chapter One**

Jordan sighed and sank back into her seat on the airline. It had been a long flight…from Atlanta to Charlotte…Charlotte to Philadelphia. Now she was on the last leg of her trip, Philadelphia to Boston. It would be good to be home…after all, it had been a whole year since she had seen Boston….been in the morgue….seen Garret and Nigel…hugged her father…

Kissed Woody goodbye.

Idly looking out the window, she wondered just how much had changed since she had been in Atlanta. She tried to speculate how much had altered…how were things progressing between Lily and Bug? Was Nigel still the only computer guru? How many more gray hairs had Garret gotten?

Was Woody finally over Devan?

That was the reason she left. She knew that Woody and the blonde ME had grown close during Devan's last days. At first Jordan had been jealous of the couple, bur realized that she couldn't involve herself in relationship with anyone until she had matured a little more herself…a process that had begun in Boston and continued in Atlanta. She had finally let go of Woody emotionally and decided to concentrate on her own personal growth. Besides, Devan was giving Woody something she couldn't…. undivided attention and time.

And then came the plane crash and Jordan watched Woody slowly collapse emotionally and then physically. She had stood by him to help him pick up the pieces of his life…knowing from experience how hard that was to do by yourself. She had held him and let him cry on her shoulder. She had made him eat and go back to work. She encouraged him to go on with his life…go back to the Pogue…go out with friends.

She thought that somewhere along the way, he would find his way back to her…and to what they had begun toying with before Devan came into the picture…for as much as Jordan had wanted to disengage her heart from the detective, she couldn't. She had known she loved Woody before Devan came, but had been too afraid to admit it. When she was finally able to confess her feelings to him, he was already caught up in his affair with Devan. So Jordan had kept her mouth shut and her heart in lock-down.

But he didn't find his way back to her. She thought he may still be grieving over Devan, but that wasn't it. He had decided he didn't want _her_. "A relationship with you is too hard, Jordan," he had said. "You don't know what you want from one day to the next….one day you want me, the next you don't. I need something stable. I need someone that will be there for me…"

She had thought long and hard about telling him how much she had changed…how much she did love him, but when he had turned and walked away from her, she realized that he wouldn't believe her, anyway. It was now useless. She had to release him emotionally one more time…and this time it was for good.

And she tried. She tried really hard, but working with him in such close proximity was difficult. Her pulse would race every time he would take her arm, or put his hand on the small of her back to help her though a door. Garret had known her heart and her feelings for the detective…and knew she needed time away from Woody…a situation that would not be possible in Boston. So when an opportunity for training came up with the Center for Disease Control in Atlanta, Georgia, he offered it to her. "It will be good for you professionally….especially with these new strains of bacteria popping up…, new e-coli, all the new things we're seeing. Personally…you'll have the time you need to get your life back in order."

It had been for a year's worth of training, but she jumped at the chance. Her father had returned and had taken the bar back over. There was really nothing to keep her in Boston. She put her belongings in storage, parked her El Camino at Garret's, packed her suitcase, and left on a plane out of Logan one early Sunday morning.

But not before talking to Woody one last time. She had gone over to his apartment the day before she left, catching him in his jeans and an unbuttoned shirt. "I just thought you would want to know…I'm leaving for Atlanta tomorrow to work with the CDC for a year," she said.

He initially looked shocked. The last thing he thought she would do would be to leave Boston again. She explained the additional training, but wasn't sure he really understood. "I wanted you to know why I wouldn't be there if you requested me for a crime scene….why I wouldn't be at the Pogue. I didn't want to leave without telling you good-bye."

He had nodded and wished her well. "You'll be back, won't you?" he asked.

"Eventually….in about a year."

"Not even coming back for Christmas?"

"I'll just have Christmas day off…I can't."

The good byes had been awkward. She went to kiss him on the cheek, but he turned his head at the last minute and caught her lips in a soft caress. "Take care of yourself, Jordan."

"You do the same, Woody. Devan would want you to go on with your life…and you need to," she had said softly to him, before giving his chest one last pat and letting herself out of his apartment.

She had halfway expected to see him at the airport on that Sunday…whether it was to see her off or beg her not to go, she wasn't sure. But he didn't. There was no one there to see her leave. She had boarded the plane and didn't look back. Other than phone calls to Nigel and Garret, there was no contact between herself and the morgue. Her father had come to Atlanta for Christmas, since she couldn't get away.

She had left…to get more training and to make herself get over him.

The training had been wonderful. She had learned a lot. There was so much she needed to share with Bug, Nigel, and Garret. Her idea to come away from the experience at better ME was a huge success. She wasn't sure how successful she had been at getting over Woody. She didn't work with detectives in Atlanta, but the sight of a tall man with brown hair and crystalline blue eyes could send her over the edge in a heartbeat.

In once sense, she had changed. She had matured, grown, decided that obsessing over her mother's death was no longer a healthy thing. She felt like now she was really a woman…in everyway. She was ready for a relationship….she was now ready for all life had to offer her as a female.

She wondered just how much everyone else had changed…or had they? Had Woody gotten over Devan? Had he moved on with his life? Had he found someone else?

Was she really over him?

She would know shortly…her plane was landing. She retrieved baggage and made her way down the concourse, taking in the sights of Logan. She was just about ready to hail a taxi to take her to Max's house when there was a voice behind her…

"Hello, love."


	2. Oil and Water

**Chapter Two**

"Nigel…" was all Jordan managed to get out before the Englishman had caught her in a tight hug.

"Let me look at you, lass….I see Southern men and barbeque haven't done you any worse…you look wonderful."

She gave Nigel one more hug. "It was great…but I'm glad to be home. The Braves aren't the BoSox, and they eat hotdogs with slaw and not relish."

Nigel made a face. "Well…you're back home now…ready to go to Max's?" Jordan was going to stay with her dad until she could find another apartment.

"Yeah, but fill me in on everything and everybody on the way."

"Well, let's see. Lily and Bug are sort of dating."

"Sort of? How do you sort of date?"

"She drags him to poetry readings and holistic medicine lectures and he pretends like he enjoys it."

"Oh."

"And of course, there's the whole Garret and Rene saga still going on…."

"I thought they were through…the baby wasn't his and he didn't want to see her anymore."

"So she says. If you ask me, the baby has Garret's eyes…but that's just me. Anyway, they are 'talking', whatever that means. I just know you see her in his office a lot more now than before you left."

"Shit."

"And as for yours truly…"

"Spill it, Nige…."

"The regular assortment lady friends….but the best news is, I got myself a new bike…"

"Sweet! Take me out on it?"

"Just as soon as you want love…"

Jordan thought for a minute. That caught her up on everyone but Woody. Cautiously, she asked, "What about our favorite detective?"

"Don't you mean your favorite detective?"

"How's Woody, Nige?" she asked, finally deciding to cut to the chase and not play twenty questions.

"Woody's…Woody's still with homicide in the Boston PD. Just got promoted…he now has a couple of guys under him. Doing well professionally. But he's not the same, Jordan….Not the same at all. He hasn't been the same since Devan died and you left."

"What's the matter with him?"

Nigel squirmed in his seat in the van. He was taking Jordan back to Garret's to pick up her El Camino before they went on to Max's. house. "He's quieter…not so happy-go-lucky anymore. Withdrawn. Still friendly with everyone, but you can tell he's basically by himself now and seems to be pretty happy with that fact. So if you're asking if he has a girlfriend now, he doesn't. Come to think about it, he doesn't have many close friends at all, except maybe your dad."

"Dad?"

"Yeah. Woody spends a lot of time at the Pogue now…not necessarily drinking. Just talking with Max…maybe shooting a game of pool. At first, I thought it was to perhaps fill the gap in your dad's life that you left when you went to Atlanta, but it's more. I think Max understands where he's at and is a help to him."

"Oh…I guess it's good Woody has someone to talk to."

"Yeah. We've all tried to reach out to him…but we haven't been very good at it."

Jordan nodded. At least he had moved on in his life…been successful in his job. Maybe he just needed more time to grieve…grief can take different cycles in different people. No two timelines were the same. Maybe it was just taking him longer to get over Devan. They had obviously been close when she died.

But she had gone to Atlanta to get over Woody and how she felt about him. There was no use in revisiting old hurts. Picking at them could only just make both of them bleed again and they both had obviously come a long way in a year. She would be friendly and professional, but nothing more to the detective.

* * *

"Hi, Dad," Jordan called out as she entered the bar.

"Jordan, sweetheart, you're back…" replied Max, coming out from around the bar to hug his daughter hello. Once she had gotten back to her father's house, Jordan had changed and driven over to see her dad. "Are you settled in your old room? How was your flight?"

"Yes. Yes, I'm settled, and the flight was good. How are things here?"

"Not bad, not bad. What can I get you?"

"Guinness?"

"Coming up."

She sat down at the bar, noting that nothing had really changed here. The menu may have expanded a little, but not anything else. "Heard you were coming back into town," said a voice.

"Woody…" she said, turning on her bar stool to see him better. He sat down beside her. She let her eyes wander over him. Still tall. Thinner, perhaps. His eyes still as blue as the Atlantic after a storm. Despite a year away, her heart lurched at the sight of him. "It's good to see you. How've you been?"

"Good. I'm good. It's good to see you, too. How was Atlanta? Macy said you've learned a lot….and he's glad you're back. The sub the state brought in for you nearly drove him up a wall."

Jordan laughed. "I heard you got a promotion. Way to go, Farm Boy."

Woody nodded. "It was a long time in coming, but I got it about three months ago. It's been great…of course, it means more work and responsibility along with a better paycheck, but it's worth it."

"So you're planning to stay in homicide a while longer?"

"I don't have plans to move from that department anytime soon, if that's what you mean. What about you? What are your plans now?"

"I've got to find another apartment. If I live with Dad more than a few weeks, we'll end up killing each other and you'll have a double homicide to figure out."

Woody chuckled. He had figured that much. Although Jordan and her dad were getting along better, he knew things still were not what they used to be….they weren't quite as close as they once were. "What else is on your agenda?" he asked.

"I don't know. I'm going back to work on Monday. I imagine it'll take me a couple of weeks to get up to speed on things. I guess I'll be answering your calls next week, maybe?"

Woody's face darkened just a bit. "Jordan…it's great having you back. On some level, I've missed you…you're expertise in forensics has been sorely absent from the morgue. But I work mainly with Sydney now. He's the new guy, remember? He's pretty good. And it's not that I won't work with you…I guess what I'm trying to say is that as far as my feeling for you, those haven't changed while you've been gone. While I like you and respect you as a ME, I don't want any kind of relationship with you. It's just too difficult…."

Jordan swallowed hard. That hurt. But isn't that what she wanted? Isn't that part of the reason why she left to go to Atlanta – to get over him and allow him and her to go on with their lives? He obviously had and so had she. She knew what she wanted out of life now…and Woody wasn't in that picture.

"I'm glad to hear you say that, Woody," she replied. "Because I feel the same way. I enjoy working with you. You're one of the best homicide detectives I've ever dealt with. But personally, we're like oil and water…we don't mix well. So I agree with you completely. I'm glad we had a chance to see each other today to talk about this before work on Monday….this way we both know where we stand with each other and there are no awkward moments in the office. I hope we can at least be friends…but nothing more, okay?"

"Friends," he agreed, sticking out his hand for her to shake it. She took his hand, and for a moment he looked deep into those whiskey-colored eyes and wondered, just fleetingly, why it all had to go so wrong between them.


	3. The Scarlet Letter

**Chapter Three**

She had been back three months. Three months in which she was rapidly brought up-to-date on the cases…and plunged right back into her normal work load as if she had never left. On her first day back, Garret had grabbed her and hugged her, planted a platonic kiss on her forehead and pushed her toward autopsy. Nothing much had changed since. Except that due to her extra training, she got a promotion and a raise in pay. She hadn't asked for it, but it was waiting on her when she got back.

Nigel had been right. Few things had really changed. Lily and Bug were definitely a couple. It was fun to watch Bug watch Lily when he thought no one was watching him. It was sweet to see him come up behind her and put his arms around her waist. Nigel would laugh, and Jordan would join in, but was vaguely aware that something was missing in her life…it wasn't necessarily a man, it was just that there was a void there she couldn't put her finger on.

She did see Rene in Garret's office quite a bit, and not all of her visits concerned the district attorney's office. Jordan had been back about a week when she came in Garret's office late one evening and found Rene and the baby with him. Jordan nearly gasped when she saw the infant. Nigel had been right. The baby had Garret's eyes….huge brown ones in his tiny face. Rene was holding the baby when Jordan entered the office. "Oh, wow," she had said.

"His name is Michael…Mikey for short right now," Rene said.

On impulse, Jordan had held out her arms. "Can I hold him?" Rene had given her a quizzical look, but handed her son over to the ME. Jordan ohhed and ahhed over him. She handed him back to Rene with a certain amount of regret, a feeling that had surprised her.

Woody and she had worked together on a few cases. True to his word, he mainly worked with Sydney right now, an ME whom Jordan found to be bright and capable, but a little too eager. She did catch a few of his homicides when she was on call or on rotation. They worked together like they had always…well. Jordan congratulated herself on her professionalism and friendliness with the detective, but was a little disappointed when they didn't go out for drinks like they used to at the end of a case. She told herself that was to be expected. Other than that, she saw little of Woody.

She found a townhouse to rent, not far from her old apartment on Pearle Street. She talked Nigel into helping her move in…her dad wasn't able to, Bug was too caught up with Lily, and Woody was no longer an option. He had agreed…but on one condition….she buy the beers after the move. She said yes, but only if he would consent to drinking at her new town house and then sleeping it off on the couch. "Of course, love," he had replied.

As moves went, it was simple and painless. Jordan had her bedroom furniture to move…and a few other pieces and that was it. The second bedroom in the townhouse was empty. She managed to fill part of the living room, the dining area and the kitchen, along with the master bedroom. She and Nigel got it done in a day.

They were drinking the beers in the living room. He was lying on the couch and she was sitting on the floor beside of him. Nigel had consumed just enough beers to be honest. "Jordan," he asked, "are you really over him?"

"Him who?" she replied. She had quite a few beers in her by this time, too.

"You know….Woody."

"Woody….Woody….Woody, who?" she asked in jest.

"Now Jordan. Be honest with me. Let's play twenty questions. I'll ask the questions and you answer them first…and then you can ask me questions …"

"That's not fair…I should go first…"

"Nope. I helped you move. I'm the guest. I go first. So….are you really over Woodrow? Be honest."

Jordan sighed and sobered up just a little. "I think so….I don't know for sure. Time will tell. It's easier than I expected…coming back and working with him. We did say we would stay friends."

"So are you going to date anyone else?"

"I don't know. I've been too busy to think about it. It's not really my top priority right now, Nige."

"Men are not your top priority. What a shame. What is tops on your list right now, love?"

"It's hard to tell…I came back from Atlanta different, Nige. I've settled the scores with my past. I've stopped worrying about my mother's murder. I'm ready to go on with my life, but I don't know what that means right now. I used to think it meant my job…and as much as I love it, that's not it either."

"You need more than your job, Jordan. You're ready to be a complete person now. You need something else that fulfills you."

"Like what…and please, don't say a man."

"No…no…you can't find fulfillment in a person like that. You need a cause….that's it…something you want to devote your time to that isn't work related. Something that will help you feel complete."

"Such as?"

"I don't know, love. There are dozens of just and noble causes out there that would cry for your attention…adult literacy, mentoring children, helping senior citizens, animals….the non profit section in the phone book is full of wonderful organizations such as these."

Jordan thought for a moment. When she was younger, she would fill her spare time with friends and parties. Then, she went through the time when her mother's murder obsessed her. She was over both of those hurdles now. Maybe Nigel was right. Maybe she needed a "just and noble cause" to fulfill the other half of her. "I think you're right," she told him.

"Of course I'm right," Nigel replied, sounding just a little sleepy. He was dozing off on the couch. Jordan pulled the throw over him and turned off the light. She went into her kitchen and flipped to the yellow pages and scanned the non profits. There were a few that interested her. She would begin making phone calls tomorrow.

* * *

She phoned six non profits and actually went to visit two of them. They were good organizations…well structured and doing wonderful work. But she hadn't found one she could really feel good about volunteering at…one she wouldn't mind giving a substantial amount of her time and perhaps her money to. And Jordan knew exactly why she was going through this process. Part of the reason was to find something else to fill the void in her life. But the other part of the reason was a little more complicated.

It was for a sense of redemption.

She had screwed up her life. She knew it. Despite the good work she did as an ME, she had blown it as a person. She had alienated all of her friends at one time or another, with rifts so big between them that her relationships with them had never fully recovered. Even hers and Nigel's. She had successfully run her dad out of Boston… she feared that they would never regain what they once had as father and daughter. And she had practically pushed the one man she loved into another woman's arms…and he had never recovered from it. She had a hard time looking all of these people in the face.

She had an even harder time looking herself in the eyes every morning in the mirror. So many titles hung over her…adulteress, flirt, tease, uncaring, inconsiderate….she felt she wore them all the a Scarlet Letter on her chest. The good work she now wanted to do as ME and a person wouldn't erase these titles, but may help to ease her conscious and make the Scarlet Letter perhaps take on a different meaning, just as it had for Hester Prynne.


	4. A Just and Noble Cause

**Chapter Four**

"What do we have, Woody?" Jordan asked him as she stepped out of her SUV into the driveway of the crime scene.

"Suicide/murder. Husband shot the wife, then turned the gun on himself…or so it appears. It's your job to tell me," he replied, giving her a grin. Jordan nodded and took the liver temperatures of the male victim.

"Estimated TOD is from six to eight hours ago. Who found them?" she asked.

"A neighbor. She came over to borrow some eggs or something and saw the husband through the window. She went home and called 911."

Jordan nodded and continued to process the crime scene. This was only the fourth or fifth time she had been on a homicide with Woody. In a way, it was comfortingly familiar. In another way, it was painfully bittersweet. She moved upstairs to work with the wife, when a soft whimpering caught her ear.

At first, it sounded like a puppy. Jordan began looking around for the animal. "What are you doing?" asked Woody.

"It sounds like there's an animal in here…somewhere…" she said, pushing aside the door of a closet. It was no dog. Inside the closet, in a bassinet basket, was a baby. "Oh God!" Jordan exclaimed, reaching down for the infant and holding it close. The baby began crying in earnest. "Sh…sh….it's going to be okay….I promise…." She began to sway a little with the baby, to try to get it to quiet down.

Woody inwardly groaned. A baby vastly complicated his simple murder/suicide scene. Obviously the mother had been in fear that the child would be hurt, and hid it as best she could from the father's anger. But it was Saturday. That meant that Child Services was closed. He could call a hospital and have their social worker come and get the baby, but that might take a while. Thankfully, Jordan had at least gotten it to quiet down. "Why don't you give it to one of the female police officers and let her take care of it while you finish your work here?" he asked.

Jordan looked at the tiny infant. She guessed it was a girl…it was dressed in pink, lacy pajamas. She had blue eyes and just a touch of blonde peach fuzzy hair. "No…." she said to Woody. "I'm radioing in Nigel. He's at the morgue. He can finish up here. I'm going to take care of this little one." And with that, she cuddled the baby to her and walked down the stairs, radioing Nigel en route to her SUV. She sat in the passenger seat and looked the infant over. She appeared fine, wiggling and trying to turn over.

Nigel soon appeared and stopped by Jordan's SUV. "What do you have there, love?" he asked, watching her play with the infant to keep her quiet."

"It's a baby girl…I'm not sure of her name…I'm just keeping her quiet until Woody can quit having conniptions."

Nigel grinned. A foundling baby on the weekend could definitely put a kink in a detective's schedule, but Jordan was obviously enjoying the baby… "Maybe you need one of those," he teased. Jordan made a face at the Englishman.

"Nigel…we need you in here," Woody said, coming out to Jordan's SUV. "How's she holding up?" he asked Jordan.

"She's getting a little fussy…" Jordan picked the child up and the baby began to root around Jordan's blouse. "Hang on…I don't think I can help you in that department," she chuckled. The baby was hungry…and obviously had been breast fed. Woody grinned and walked to the trunk of his car, pulling out a first aid kit…complete with ready mixed formula in bottles. "Damn…you're as good as the boy scouts," Jordan teased, pulling the cover off the nipple of the bottle.

"We never know what we're getting into," he replied, watching her feed the infant. "How do you know what to do?"

"Hey. I've babysat kids before."

"As best we can tell, her name is Joy. I'm having some of the officers get together some of her diapers and clothing. I've called the hospital and the social worker should be here in a few minutes. Got it under control until then?"

Jordan nodded. Joy had her complete attention. Joy. _What a great name for a baby_, she thought. _I'm just not so sure how much joy your life is going to have in it now, sweetheart, with both your parents gone._ Woody watched the look of concern pass over Jordan's face. "She'll be fine, Jordan," he assured her.

"Yeah. I know."

Twenty minutes later, the social worker, Marci, arrived and examined Joy. "What a shame," she said, looking the infant over.

"It's going to be tough on her…is there any next of kin or someone close she can go to?" Jordan asked, continuing to hold the little girl's hand.

"We're looking right now. As best we can tell, the parents had recently moved to this area. So there's no close friends or relatives here. We have a search going on for anybody they may be related to, but it could take a week or more to find someone."

"Where's Joy going now?"

"Well, there are no foster homes available. I guess she will either go to the foundling home or a group home."

Jordan shook her head. "Can I keep her?"

"You…Dr. Cavanaugh?"

"Yes. Me. I have the room. I'm a doctor. I know of someone that can help me watch her during the day…until her relatives can be found." Jordan had a neighbor she thought would be perfect. The woman had a three year-old son and the patience of a saint. She felt sure that Laurie would help her out for a week or so.

Marci really didn't want to place the baby in either of the homes…the child would suffer. Whatever had been going on between the parents, it was obvious the baby had been loved, well-taken care of, and used to being the center of attention. Jordan was a state employee. A quick check on the computer should clear her. "Let me make a few calls," Marci said, finally.

Fifteen minutes later Jordan had been cleared by the computer. "Do you have a crib or anything?" Marci asked.

"No…I can get one."

"No need. I have a portable one in the back of my van. I'll loan you that and a car seat. Plus there are some diapers…and wipes." Marci soon had Jordan loaded down with baby supplies. "We will need you to bring her in Monday for a check up. Just for paperwork purposes." Jordan nodded. Good thing she had bought an SUV. Her El Camino had given out nearly as soon as she returned from Atlanta. It would have never held all the baby supplies…and the baby. She loaded her hatch up and fastened the baby seat in the back seat of the car. Then, with Joy in her arms, she went to see if Nigel had the scene under control.

"You still have her?" the Englishman asked, slightly amused at this new side of Jordan.

"I'm keeping her."

"Are you daft?" Nigel asked.

"Are you crazy?" Woody echoed behind him.

"No, to neither. This is something I want to do." And with a look straight at Nigel, she said, "This is my just and noble cause."


	5. Adoption Denied

**Chapter Five**

Joy had been with Jordan a solid month. Woody couldn't believe how well she was coping with a baby. He figured by the end of the first week, the ME would be pulling her long, chestnut hair out.

No such luck.

If anything, Jordan was thriving on her short-term surrogate motherhood. He never would have figured. Her neighbor had agreed to baby sit during the day while Jordan worked. Macy took her off rotation and doubles for the time being. Everyone was thrilled with Joy…and the way Jordan took care of her. Even Max was singing Jordan's praises.

And Joy was quickly becoming a fixture around the morgue. Jordan would sometimes bring her in during the late afternoons when she only had paperwork to do. As she did this afternoon, when he had showed up at her office to go over some files. He found her in her desk chair, feeding Joy her bottle. He had stopped and watched silently at the door…just observing. He never would have figured that Jordan even knew which end of the baby to feed….much less that she even had the slightest maternal streak. Now seeing her with a baby in her arms, softly singing lullabies, was slightly surreal. He wondered what else he didn't know about her…never took the time to learn. To be honest, when they had been together – before Devan, he had one goal in mind…a few more kisses and a move to "third base." He wanted in her in his bed. Badly. He never even remotely assumed that Jordan liked kids. That thought just had never circled in his realm of consciousness with her. But she was definitely a woman, and he guess all women, on some level, dream of the little house, white picket fence, and kids in the back yard. So why should Jordan be any different?

"Ummm, are you about through?" he asked quietly from the doorway.

"Yeah…she's finished. Let me get her burped and in her seat." Jordan shifted Joy to her shoulder and began to pat her back. Joy burped and then slumped back down in sleep. Jordan gently positioned her in her seat, softly humming the entire time.

"You're good with her," Woody stated.

"And that surprises you, doesn't it?" she whispered, not wanting to wake the baby.

"It does…I guess I just never figured…you and babies…it just seems so incongruous."

Jordan smiled. "Not really. Not if you really knew me."

"What else do I not know about you?" he asked quietly, looking deep in her eyes.

"There's quite a bit. But that's water under the bridge of life…and it really doesn't matter now, does it?"

Woody sighed. "These files…" he began…going over the questions he had with her. It didn't take long, no more than twenty minutes, before she had answered all his questions. He got ready to leave, walking over and taking one last look at Joy in her seat. She was contentedly sleeping the rest of the afternoon away. A sudden thought filtered through his mind, unsettling it from its previous settled state. "No one in her family has come forward to claim her, have they?"

"No. Not yet."

"How long is Social Services going to wait?"

"Another two months."

"And then what will happen?"

"I'm going to try to adopt her."

* * *

Woody took a deep pull off his beer. After Jordan's announcement about possibly adopting Joy, she had asked for his help. Would he write a letter of recommendation? Would he testify in her behalf at the adoption hearing? Of course, he had said yes. He had stammered it out, really. For a half a second he had been expecting her to ask him to pose as her fiancé or something to give the lawyers and social workers the impression that Joy would eventually have both a father and a mother in her life. But she hadn't asked that of him.

And to tell you the truth, he was disappointed.

Jordan had kept up her end of their agreement when they shook hands that night, here, at the Pogue. She had been professional and friendly….his friend. And absolutely nothing more. She hadn't been pushy or forward. And the few times they had shown up at the same time at the bar, she had never even asked him to dance before she left…like she used to. In short, she was behaving perfectly.

Damn her.

The woman had always held a fascination for him. Even when he was up to his neck in his affair with Devin, there was always something that fascinated him about her. And since she got back from Atlanta, the fascination had only gotten worse. She was different. More mature. A real woman. He kept hoping she would slip up…just a little, so he could alter their relationship and aim it toward something more than a friendship. She hadn't. She had walked the line perfectly. So he was keenly disappointed when she didn't ask him to pose as her fiancé. At least that would have given him the opportunity to hold her hand…sit close…put his arm around her. Maybe spin the wheels of their relationship a little faster. But no. That wasn't going to happen.

Jordan only had eyes for Joy these days. And he kept telling himself he wasn't jealous of a baby. It was asinine to be jealous of an infant.

But he was.

And now Joy may be a permanent fixture in Jordan's life. He should be glad for Jordan. She finally had stability in her life…she was finally able to reach out to others…only she wasn't reaching out to him. But that was his own fault. He told her not to. Sighing and finishing his beer, he wondered just what he would have to do to get her attention again.

* * *

He went with her to the adoption hearing. Jordan was there, along with Joy, of course. So was Marci, the social worker. Rene Walcott, Garret, and a few other people were there to vouch for Jordan's sense of responsibility, duty, and ability to raise a child. Nigel and Max were there for moral support.

The judge heard all the testimony and had already read the letters of recommendation. While Social Services didn't exactly agree with a single mother adopting an infant, they weren't going to fight it too hard. Joy had bonded with Jordan, and no other relatives were found to take the baby. Jordan had a support system in place to help her care for the child and Joy's life was going on smoothly.

And Woody was glad for Jordan. It was obviously what she wanted. Joy had brought…well….joy into Jordan's life. The child had given her purpose and meaning and balance. If Woody had found Jordan fascinating before, now she was positively breath-taking. Motherhood had made her even more beautiful physically. She glowed when she was with Joy. In a million years, Woody would have never pictured that with Jordan. He guessed he had never really taken the time to know the woman on such a personal level…he guessed she had been too busy at one time chasing her mother's killer and he had been too busy trying to push her towards a more physical relationship.

The judge had now come back into the courtroom. He looked confused and a bit flustered. Woody didn't take it as a good sign. He was right.

"Dr. Cavanaugh. I have no doubt that you would be an excellent mother to Joy. You have more than proven yourself in the preceding months with the baby. You have a more than adequate support system and can financially provide for her. However, a new fact has just been brought before me concerning Joy and her family. An uncle has been located. He was overseas in Germany, serving in the army. That is why it has taken so long for Children's Services to locate him. He and his wife can't have children….he wants Joy very much. So…due to these circumstances…the fact that a next of kin has been located, I am sorry. The adoption of Joy to Dr. Jordan Marie Cavanaugh is denied. Case dismissed."


	6. Artificial Insemination

**Chapter Six**

There had been nothing she could do.

With the words the judge uttered, Marci took Joy out of Jordan's arms. She had never felt so empty. Her "just and noble cause" was gone, just like that, with the bang of a gavel.

Woody had taken her home. She was in no state to drive. Nigel said he would drop off her car later…don't worry. She walked around her now too empty town house, wondering what to do….Joy's toys and things were still scattered throughout the house. Marci was going to be by later to pick them up….and take them to Joy's aunt and uncle. Jordan methodically began to gather up the baby's belongings, packing them in a box and diaper bag.

Playpen…portacrib…diapers…bunny….She stopped when she got to the pajamas she had taken off Joy this morning….they still held that soft, baby powder smell she would always associate with her almost-daughter. She didn't pack those. She folded them carefully and put them in one of her own dresser drawers, along with a soft, pink blanket that she used in Joy's crib. It would be a pleasant reminder of what might have been…one day, when she could bring herself to look at them again.

* * *

Woody watched her carefully from that day forward…Jordan was still friendly…still polite…still professional. And too damn quiet. He was worried about her…they all were. Garret had been afraid she'd make a run for somewhere…Woody knew she wouldn't do that. But he was concerned about her….she had grown more quiet and contemplative every passing day. Finally one night, after working long hours on a difficult case, he had turned to her and gave her a smile… a full Woody smile…dimples and all. One that was supposed to make her heart beat a little faster and a grin come to her face. "How about dinner?" he asked. "I'm starved, and I bet you are, too."

She didn't respond to the smile. She had looked up absent-mindedly from the file she was reading. "Dinner? I'm not really hungry."

"Come on, Jordan. You have to eat. And I hate eating alone. It's just dinner….not a commitment," he said jokingly. "We can have dinner together, can't we?"

"Yeah. Sure. Let me get my coat."

They had gone out to a small restaurant near his office. She was still too quiet…still trying to adjust after the loss of Joy. "Jordan…are you okay?" he finally asked her mid-way through the meal.

"I just miss her, Woody. I guess I had gotten my hopes up too much." She looked down at her barely touched plate. Truth was, Joy had brought out emotions in her she never really knew she had.

When she had asked Marci to let her take Joy home from the crime scene, she never expected to become so attached to the baby. She had fully expected to keep the infant for about a week, and then turn her over to relatives or a set of foster parents. She had in no way anticipated the feelings that Joy would bring out…a protective, nurturing side she had no idea even existed in her. But every time Joy would look at her with those big blue eyes, a part of Jordan would melt inside. By the end of the week, she knew she couldn't return the baby unless she was asked. When no relatives had been found, she had openly rejoiced. When Social Services said they would do nothing to impede the adoption, she had been ecstatic.

And then the adoption was denied. She knew it had been for the best – Joy had relatives she deserved to know…and they deserved to know and love her. But the absence of the baby had left the void in Jordan's life even larger. After further reflection, she had realized what she really wanted out of her life…what her "just and noble cause" was.

She wanted to be a mother. She wanted a baby.

The thought had shaken her at first…but once it settled in her mind and soul, she couldn't let go of it. She had talked to adoption agencies…filled out the papers only to be told that single mothers were rarely granted adoptions under "normal" circumstances. Joy's situation had not been normal. With that door closed, she had turned to what she considered her only alternative.

"I'm sorry it didn't work out, Jo. You were great with her and she loved you. You could tell….I know you've probably heard all the lines about how with time, it will get better…stay busy. But I know you really miss her…you love her. I wish there was something I could do to make it easier on you," Woody replied, breaking into her thoughts.

"Thanks. She really opened up a side of me I didn't know existed. It's a side of me I kind of liked, even though it sort of shocked me I had a maternal streak, you know."

Woody chuckled. "It kind of threw all of us for a loop. It just didn't seem like you…but I guess you're right….there's still a lot about you I don't know."

Jordan nodded. "Well…the maternal thing is not something I'm ready to let go of just yet. I….I….think I'd really like to have a baby."

Woody looked at her in total shock. She wasn't going where he thought she was with this idea, was she? "Do you mean you want to become a foster parent or something?" he asked, trying to back pedal just a bit to get the conversation on an even keel.

"No. I think I'd like to do the whole nine yards… or rather whole nine months. I'd like to be pregnant and have a baby…I'm not getting any younger…and the biological clock is going tick-tock…you know…"

Woody swallowed hard. A pregnant Jordan. What a visual. He'd bet any money, she'd be beautiful. But to get pregnant, she'd need a partner….just what, or rather who, did she have in mind? "Jordan, I hate to be nosy, but in order to get you pregnant, you need….you need…"

"A man? Not necessarily." She pulled some pamphlets from her pocket book and put them in front of him.

"Artificial insemination?" he asked incredulously.

"Yeah. It's an option."

"An option?"

"Sure. I can chose a sperm donor…they have profiles on all the men who have made 'deposits' at the sperm bank…I can hand pick the father of my baby."

"Isn't that kind of cold and calculating?"

"I don't think so. It's the best of both worlds. I get a baby….the father never knows...I don't have to deal with messy issues like custody and he never gets hit up for child support. It's perfect."

Woody shook his head. "I don't know, Jordan. I think I prefer making babies the old-fashioned way."

Jordan chuckled. "It would be cheaper. The insemination is going to have to be paid for out of pocket. My insurance won't cover it."

"Don't you know someone who would…I mean…there should be…" he stammered.

"No. No, I don't. There's no one romantically in my life right now on that level. And it's kind of awkward asking your male friends if they wouldn't mind…."

He held up a hand to cut her off. He didn't want to hear it. And he really didn't want to think about it. "So you're going through with it?"

"Within the next month. I'm on fertility drugs now….just to make sure everything works…I get three procedures for my first fee. I just pray one of them takes."


	7. It Didn't Take

**Chapter Seven**

She had sworn him to secrecy. She didn't want anyone to know…not Garret, not Nigel, and certainly not her dad. Max would take it hard that Jordan got pregnant and wasn't going to get married. He was still that Catholic. Jordan wasn't sure what he would do when he discovered it was the result of artificial insemination.

She went through the first procedure with no luck. Disappointed, but not too discouraged, she waited another month…taking the fertility drugs and putting up with the hot flashes they caused…the mood swings. Everyone thought that her tearfulness was the result of losing Joy and were sympathetic to her. Only Woody really knew what was going on. The casual "How are you?" question that he always asked her when they were together took on a new, highly significant meaning to the both of them.

The second procedure didn't work either. The doctor increased the fertility drugs she was taking. By the time the third month rolled around, Jordan was a nervous wreck. Woody knew about the first two procedures failing and her fragile emotional state. He offered to drive her to the clinic and stay there with her. To his surprise, she agreed. She was in no shape to really be by herself this third time around. He sat in the waiting room while the doctor was with her. When it was over, the nurse called him back to Jordan's room.

"Hey," he said softly, entering the exam room. Jordan was on the table, sheet over the lower half of her body, feet still in stirrups. "How'd it go?"

"Okay, I guess. The doctor is hopeful. So am I. He wants me to stay here for a while…about a half an hour. I didn't know if you had other things you needed to be doing or somewhere you should be. I didn't want to hold you up. I know this is probably not the most comfortable situation for you…and the last place you want to be….but I really appreciate you being here."

"I'm fine…and I don't have to be anywhere. I have the afternoon off. It's been interesting….I've never been in this kind of doctor's office…."

She grinned. "Guess you never had a reason to, huh?"

"No…not at all."

"Well, I'll make sure my kid knows just how dedicated his or her Uncle Woody was…"

That statement hit Woody hard…like a fist in the solar plexus. _Uncle Woody_….he was that far removed from her life now. A couple of years ago he would have bet money he'd be the father of this child…not the uncle. He blinked back the tears he felt come to his eyes so that Jordan wouldn't see them.

"Yeah…make sure you do that. Are you comfortable?"

"You've got to be kidding….like this?" she motioned to the stirrups.

"Can I get you anything?

"Just the permission from the doctor I can go home."

Woody grinned at her. Leaning over to whisper in her ear, he said "I still think making babies the old fashioned way is better….more comfortable, too. And hell of a lot more fun."

* * *

She went home and went to bed. The doctor wanted her horizontal for another eight to ten hours, preferably with her legs raised. She waited a week. Then she waited two, and held her breath. The third one rolled around. Woody kept coming in and out of her office, supposedly to ask her questions about the cases they were working on together. He would simply raise his eyebrows and she would nod yes…everything was still okay. He would walk away strangely relieved….he wasn't sure why. Maybe he knew just how much Jordan wanted this…maybe he wanted this baby that badly for her.

He strolled over to the morgue during the fourth week after the insemination. This should be the final week they had to wait. _Us_, he thought. _It's not my baby, and I feel like I'm as involved with this just as deeply as she is. Probably because I'm the only other person that knows about this other than Jordan_. She wasn't in her office. She wasn't in trace or autopsy. Putting a damper on his rising dread, he asked Garret, "Have you seen Jordan?"

"She went home…said she wasn't feeling well."

Woody swallowed hard and made for her townhouse. It was possible morning sickness could have set in this early…especially with the amount of fertility drugs she had been taking…her hormones had been on a rollercoaster ride to begin with. He knocked and she came to the door…dressed in her robe and in tears. "I started my period," she said.

Without a word, he took her in his arms and carried her to the couch, settling her in his lap and just letting her sob. "I'm sorry, Jordan…so sorry…." He didn't know what to say. He had never been in this situation…a single woman wanting to be pregnant…through artificial insemination. He had no idea what to do. Hallmark didn't even make a card for this event.

Drying her eyes on the sleeve of her robe, she finally sat up. "There was only a 65 to 70 percent chance it would have worked, anyway. The odds weren't great, you know."

"I'm sorry…I know how much you wanted a baby….Can you do it again?"

"Can't afford to. Insurance doesn't cover it…and it has to be paid for upfront. I maybe able to in a few years…after I save a little more money."

Woody just held her tighter. She was disappointed and upset. And probably missing Joy more than ever. He really didn't know what to do for her…he just held her until she stopped crying altogether. Smoothing her hair back from her face, he asked, "Can I get you anything? Dinner? Scotch?"

She have him weak smile at the mention of Scotch. She really needed a drink. But not with him here. She didn't to fall apart in front of him. She wanted to get roaring drunk, all by herself, and go to bed and sleep it off. She'd regret it in the morning, but she didn't really care. "No. I'm not hungry…I guess I just need time to adjust to this, too."

"What are you going to do now, Jordan?" he asked, laying his cheek on the top of her head. He felt her sigh.

"I'm not sure…but I haven't given up…not yet."

* * *

She had come back from Atlanta a more mature woman than she left. She had realized she had a void in her life. And through a series of events, she knew what she wanted to fill it. Not a man, not a cause, not a job….not money or material goods.

She wanted to be a mother.

But all of heaven and hell were conspiring against her. She couldn't adopt. She couldn't afford artificial insemination again right now. It would be at least three more years before she could. She reasoned with herself that she could wait that long. She'd only be 39…Lots of women start families at that age….

Or she could do what Woody had jokingly suggested. Get pregnant the old fashioned way. Once she had the thought, she immediately dismissed it from her mind. To involve someone like that in Boston…would have repercussions as far as she could see. Most of the men she knew well…at least well enough to even possibly consider them a candidate, she worked with. Talk about awkward.

The only man she would consider it with was a blue-eyed detective who was content remaining her friend. And wanted nothing more. He was out of the picture.

So she shuttled the thought of motherhood out of her mind…at least to the back burner and concentrated on her job, working long hours…doubles…weekends, to fill her hours. Woody stayed in closer contact with her than she thought he would. He would stop by her office nearly daily, checking in on her…making sure she was all right. She found his concern touching. Despite of everything that had happened in the past between them, despite of Devan, despite of Jordan herself, they had come to be good friends. She now had a friendship with Woody where the sexual tension wasn't sizzling underneath the surface. She guessed they had both matured beyond that.

She worked and saved…trying to get up enough money to try the artificial insemination one more time…pushing the thought of "having a baby the old fashioned way" out of her mind….until one day there was a knock at her office door. Looking up at the doorway, she caught her breath when he said, "Hello, Jo. Long time, no see."


	8. Tyler

**Chapter Eight**

"Tyler…" Jordan barely breathed the word. "What are you doing back in Boston? Last I heard from you, you were getting married. So where's the Mrs.?"

Tyler laughed…Jordan had forgotten what he sounded like when he laughed…almost a seductive sound. "Didn't last too long."

"Get tired of coming home to the same woman every night?"

"Nope…she decided she liked sleeping with her boss better than sleeping with me."

"Ouch. That hurt. I'm sorry, Ty."

Tyler shrugged and sat down on the corner of Jordan's desk. "It's over and done. I thought it would last. I hope it would…but it didn't. So…I was in Boston and thought I'd look you up."

"And why are you here in Boston?"

Tyler reached out and took a strand of Jordan's hair and curled it around his finger. "Well, I could say that I was heartbroken and thought time with you would make me feel better….I could say that I only married her to get over you, and now that I'm not married, I've decided to come and see if you'd take me back….or I could be completely honest and tell you I'm here on business for the week." He grinned at her. No dimples, but a great smile.

"Business? What kind?"

"Sales. I sell sound equipment. I've been given the East Coast area for a while."

"Oh. That's great, Tyler."

"So, Jordan," he continued, taking her left hand… "You're still not married…not engaged…seeing anyone?"

She shook her head. "No…not really."

"Would you like to see me this week….for old time's sake?"

Jordan smiled. Suddenly the plan of making babies the old fashioned way moved back to the forefront of her mind. Tyler wouldn't mind cooperating….he wouldn't even have to know the dilemma she had been in. She knew what he expected…and she also knew that he would leave her at the end of the week. And even if he ever did find out that the baby was his, he would be happy just to let her raise it alone….he hadn't changed that much.

"I'd love to see you this week," she said, gently squeezing his hand.

* * *

Woody watched Jordan and a man leave the morgue together. He had assumed that it was work related….a victim's family member, perhaps a medical sales rep. But then he had saw them laughing and talking….and then the man's arm went around Jordan's waist…and she leaned into him. He swallowed hard. The guy wasn't a detective…he had never seen him before. A small shiver of jealousy ran up his spine. Sternly, he told himself he had nothing to be jealous over. He and Jordan had no commitment with each other but the friendship they had pledged.

And she was his friend…she had played that role perfectly. But as the days went by, especially since the failed insemination, he had grown closer to her…he knew just how much she hurt over the loss of Joy…how much she longed for a baby…something in her life that was all her own that she could give to unselfishly. Woody had slowly come to the realization he was still in love with her. He hadn't said anything, trying to give her time to get her life back on stable ground after the recent disappointments. But evidently her feelings had changed for him…it was truly friendship for her and nothing else. Still, the thought of her being with another man rankled his normally pleasant personality. Who was this guy? Determinedly, he walked over to the morgue. Nigel would know. Nigel knew almost everything about Jordan's relationships.

"Morning, Nige," he said to the tall Englishman.

"Good morning, Woodrow. What brings you to our morgue so bright and early today…Jordan's not here. She's gone out with a friend."

"That's what I came to ask you about Nigel. Is there somewhere we can talk privately?"

"Sure, Woody…my office." Nigel wondered what was up.

Woody paced…a sure sign he was agitated. Then he ran his fingers through his hair. Nigel watched in silence, slightly amused at the detective. He had no idea how high the stakes were with this flirtation. "Who is he, Nigel?"

"The man with Jordan?"

Woody nodded.

"That's Tyler. Jordan's known him for years."

"Then why haven't I seen him around?"

"Because Tyler lives in California…LA to be exact, I believe. He and Jordan lived together when she was out there. He followed her to Boston shortly after she first returned, but she spun him around and sent him back. He's here on business for the week. I get the feeling Dr. Cavanaugh is entertaining him for 'old times sake'."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Really. And I'm glad for Jordan. She's been upset since they took Joy away. Today is the first time I've seen her laugh and smile in months."

Woody nodded, his expression grim.

"I mean…Tyler's a great guy…he's good-looking, makes her laugh, and from what I understand they used to have some wild times in…"

Woody cut him off. "That's enough, Nige."

"Why Woodrow….are you jealous?"

Woody's expression gave him away.

"I thought you just wanted to be friends with Jordan?" It was a statement couched as a question.

"I did, too. But I was wrong."

"Good luck, mate. She was very glad to see Tyler."

Nodding again, Woody left the morgue…wondering just what he was going to do…and what was Jordan going to do.

* * *

Jordan shut the door to her townhouse behind her and leaned up against it, running a hand down her tired face. She and Tyler had been out for the past three nights. First it was dinner and dancing…then it was dinner and a movie…then they had gone for drinks at the Pogue tonight. She was having a great time with him…her former lover.

Tyler had been good…very good at being her lover so many years ago. He knew just how to touch her face or that sensitive spot at her waist to get her full attention…he remembered, even after all these years. He knew just how she liked to be kissed. He knew … and remembered all too well. He could seduce her in a second….if she would let him.

Letting him…that was the issue. For as much as she wanted to fulfill her desires for motherhood, this seemed so wrong. For once in her life, Jordan Cavanaugh was thinking about using sex to get what she wanted…usually it was the other way around. She kept telling herself this was just to get pregnant…just to have the baby that her heart longed for.

The only problem was, that no matter how much she kept chanting this to herself, she didn't believe it. Every time she looked into Tyler's brown eyes, she was upset and shocked that it was his blue ones. And was bitterly disappointed that it wasn't his arms…and lips. But that couldn't be. Not now. Not ever. Woody didn't want her that way again. She pulled away from her door and mentally shook herself. There was no use or need in castigating herself over something that she couldn't have. She needed to concentrate on Tyler…and she only had two more nights.


	9. More Than Just Your Friend

**Chapter Nine**

She couldn't do it. No matter how hard she had tried to rationalize it to herself, she couldn't do it. She couldn't sleep with Tyler. She told herself it was only for one night…and only for one outcome. But she couldn't do it. In the end, she did just what she had done before…spun him around and sent him back to California.

And that decision made her nearly curse herself – for being too careful, for not really pursuing what her heart desired.

For still loving Woody. When it all boiled down, that was the reason she couldn't sleep with Tyler. Tyler knew all the right moves….just how to touch her…and yet she wouldn't let herself give in because her heart still belonged to Woody.

Damn him.

She had gone all the way to Atlanta…stayed gone a whole year…grew up, in many senses of the word, only to return to Boston to find out that she had failed in part of her mission. While she had returned to Boston a better ME, she had never really gotten over Woody. She may have tucked him away in the back of her mind somewhere for 12 months, but when she came back home, he and her emotions for him and unfurled like the defensive line of the Patriots in a bowl game.

And the most difficult part of the whole thing was, Woody didn't want her anymore…not in any sense of a romantic way. He didn't mind being her friend.

He had no desire to be her lover.

Jordan sighed as she let herself back into her townhouse after her last date with Tyler. She knew that. He had made that perfectly clear from the first day she had returned to Boston. All her efforts in trying to forget him were for nothing. Her heart was still fully engaged, no matter how hard she had tried to deny it.

So what had she learned? That there was a void in her life that needed filling with something other than work. Was that void going to be filled by what she wanted most – a baby? Probably not. Artificial insemination had not worked and she wouldn't be able to try it again for at least a couple of more years. And the only man she had any interest in "making a baby the old fashioned way" wasn't going to help her.

A baby…a baby…she thought. Was that really the issue here? Was her desire really for a baby….or was it for something else? Was she failing to see the forest for the trees? She slowly walked into her bedroom and began to undress, climbing into the shower…still thinking. It was easy to have a relationship with a baby. You loved them. You poured yourself into them. They couldn't tell you how they were feeling, but they did respond to you…not always positively, but you could read the response…hunger…pain…wet diapers.

Other relationships were not quite so easy. Adults were harder to read than babies. That made being vulnerable enough with them to have an intimate relationship so risky and difficult. Jordan climbed out of the shower, dried off, donned her nightgown and robe, still reflecting on what she had learned.

Maybe that was it. Maybe the reason she wanted a baby was because deep down in her soul, she wanted an intimate relationship without the risks. A baby could fulfill that desire. But only for so long. Babies grew up.

An intimate relationship with another adult carried risks…she could get hurt. Or she could hurt someone. She wouldn't want to. She'd try her best not to. The question was, was she willing to allow herself to be vulnerable enough…emotionally open enough…to another person to risk being hurt herself?

Was that the real void in her life…she needed an intimate relationship…not just physically, but emotionally also? She thought she knew the answer to the question.

The answer also nearly scared her to death…because it was yes…but only with Woody.

Which brought her right back to her dilemma. He didn't want anything but a friendship.

She could no longer settle for that. She knew what she had to do…please God, just make him open to the idea.

The drive to his place was one of the longest she had ever made. She had changed back into a skirt and t-shirt and went over to his apartment. She prayed he was home… his car was in his parking place. Now she just prayed that he was alone. It took every ounce of courage she had to knock on his door. It was late. He may be asleep. But no, he answered it nearly immediately. "Jordan," he said, unbelievingly. "What are you doing here…this time of night? Are you okay?"

"I'm…..I'm fine. Could I come in? Please?"

Woody pushed open the door a little wider to let her in. "I thought you were with Tyler this week?" It was a statement couched as a cautious question.

"I sent him back to LA."

"Really? I thought you two were trying to rekindle the old flame…"

Jordan shook her head. "The flame is out. It's been out for a long time."

Shutting his front door, leaning against it, and crossing his arms, he had to ask… "Then what brings you here, Jordan? To my apartment, after midnight, on a Friday night?" His voice held a note of deep wariness…

"You do," was her quiet reply.

"Me?"

Jordan sighed. He wasn't going to make this easy…she didn't expect him to. Before she went to Atlanta, before Devin, even, they had skated around this issue. When he was ready for a relationship, she wasn't….and when she was, he wasn't. It seemed that they may be back at the same point…she was ready and he wasn't. Still she needed to know…because if he didn't feel anything for her other than friendship, she would have to make another adjustment in her life…the most difficult one yet…the loss of the man she loved. "Yeah. You. I need to know something, Woody."

"What?"

"All this time since I've gotten back from Atlanta…we've been friends….We've helped each other on cases. You've held my hand and me during some difficult times…losing Joy, the artificial insemination…you were there. Is….is….it possible this is something other than just a friendship with you?"

He cross the room then, to stand in front of her, towering over her shorter frame. Looking deep into her whiskey-colored eyes, he asked, "Why? Why do you want to know?"

"I do…I just need to know."

"Why?" There it was, the same question again. "It didn't work out with Tyler….so am I the substitute?"

"No." Her response came swiftly and forcefully. "You're not the substitute." Taking a deep breath…realizing that he wasn't going to tell her anything until she opened her heart like a book and laid it out so he could read it….she continued. "You're the reason it didn't work out….that it couldn't work out. Tyler wasn't you. I wanted him to be, but he wasn't. That wasn't fair to him … or to me, so I sent him home."

Woody reached out and tilted her chin up so he could look deeper into her eyes. He read the uncertainty…the vulnerability…and fear, to a degree. She had just laid her heart on the line and she didn't know what he was going to do. But there were still some other questions he needed answered.

"How much of this is about a baby, Jordan? That's all I've heard out of you for the past six months….so….I need to know….is this just about a baby….or are you talking about something else?"

"It has nothing to do with a baby." She pulled away from him then…being that close to him was making it difficult for her to think. "Trust me." She walked to the other side of his living room in order to get her thoughts together.

"So you're asking me….if I feel anything other than friendship for you?"

She nodded, her heart in her throat. "Yeah. I need to know, Woody. I really do." He heard the slight hitch in her voice.

"Jordan, I always want to be your friend…."

There it was. It was out. She had misjudged…read things into his actions that weren't there. Blindly, tears stinging her eyes, she walked to the door. She wasn't going to let him see her cry. She would at least have the satisfaction of walking out of his apartment with her head held high. Then, she'd go home, collapse and cry her eyes out.

He reached her before she could turn the door knob. Sliding his arms around her waist and pulling her to him, he continued, "Your friend," he softly kissed the side of her neck, "and your lover." He turned her around to face him, then, and drew her into a deep kiss.


	10. Redemption in Time

**Chapter Ten**

She felt that kiss all the way to her soul, and unlike before, she didn't hold back. Woody finally had to break the kiss, pulling away and looking in her eyes. "Jordan," he whispered softly, letting his hand gently stroke her face. "Is this really what you want?"

She nodded.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

He tugged her away from the door, over to his couch, and sat down with her, still keeping her in his arms. "You want more than friendship between the two of us." It wasn't a question.

"Yes."

"And it has nothing to do with a baby."

She shook her head. "Not a thing."

"Why?"

"Because…I realized that a baby wasn't really the issue. I need…want…a relationship with someone I can be completely open with...allow myself to be vulnerable with…love. Completely. And I want that person to be you."

"So the quest for a baby was secondary?"

She nodded.

"And you currently don't want to become pregnant?"

"No. Not now. Maybe one day."

"Good. Because…if you ever did become pregnant by me, I wouldn't be the kind of dad that let you raise the child by yourself…with a hands off attitude. And I'm not ready to become a father."

She nodded. "That's fine…I don't want a baby right now…I just want you."

Woody smiled down at her, gently tucking her curls behind her ears. "Glad to hear that…because I don't know if you're going to like what I'm going to say next…."

Jordan stiffened, "But you just said you wanted …."

"I do. I honestly, really do, sweetheart. But we've both been through a lot. Separately and together. Let's give this thing some time. See each other….build the relationship…date, although I know you hate that word, and then…become lovers."

" You're right…I don't like it, but I understand."

"So you'll do this for me?"

She nodded. She'd do it for him.

* * *

And she did. That night, she did stay at Woody's apartment. It was late by the time they finished talking and he didn't want her driving home by herself. He held her until she fell asleep in his arms on the couch and then put her in his bed. Then he returned to the couch.

The months that followed were interesting…they worked together…more closely than ever. The looks that he would give her across a crime scene or the office would make a blush come to Jordan's cheeks. Nigel accused them of the obvious. "Since when did you take to shagging detectives?" he asked her.

"I'm not….I mean... we haven't…."

Nigel gave her look that said he clearly didn't believe her. "Yeah, and I'm the bloody king of England."

"Nice to meet you, your majesty, but you're way off kilter," she had retorted before leaving him alone in the lab.

It was clear to Jordan exactly what Woody was doing. They were getting to know each other better, but in the process he was wooing her. Woody was playing for keeps this time, and he wanted to be in control. And she let him…at least on this end of their relationship. On the job, she was clearly her own woman.

Later, she would remember the night when their relationship hit the Rubicon…the place when she knew they wouldn't turn back…she had worked nights all week and he had worked days. Her last night on the graveyard shift, she had pulled a double. Dead tired, she finally curled up on the couch in her office to look over some files while she waited on the morning staff to come in the morgue…and drifted right to sleep. She had woken to him gently rubbing her back and leaning over to kiss her cheek. "Morning, sleepyhead," he had teased.

She had been startled she had slept so long…and offered no resistance as he pulled her into his arms for a good morning kiss…trying not to pay attention to Nigel's and Bug's laughter from the hallway. "Good morning to you, too," she told him. He had helped her with her coat and walked her out to her car. "Busy tonight?" he asked.

Yawning, she shook her head. "Nope. Not a thing on the agenda."

"Then go home, sleep the afternoon away, and I'll be by at seven with dinner and a movie."

He had brought Chinese and a DVD she hadn't seen before…curled up on her couch they began to watch the latest Tom Hanks movie, settling into a familiar position….Him lying on the couch on his side and her cuddled up next to him, his arm around her waist, pulling her close. Many times they had fallen asleep together like this, either at her apartment or his, passing the night away, just holding each other.

But tonight, that didn't happen.

She wasn't sure when Woody had decided that he would like their relationship to move to the next stage, but when the movie was over, he had turned the TV off with the remote and shift his weight so she was lying on her back. He gently brushed the curls out of her face, and then trailed the back of his hand down to her chin, lifting it slightly so their lips would meet.

They had kissed. Many times. But tonight was different. Woody's lips had always held a sweet softness that set Jordan's heart racing. But tonight…tonight was different. There was an underlying passion this time. She wound her arms around his neck, and ran her fingers through his hair, feeling his kisses deepen. His hands skated down her sides to her hips, pulling her to him…When his mouth finally left her lips to trail down her neck and across her collarbone, she caught her breath and bit her lip.

"Woody," she said, softly… "What are you doing?"

His amused laughter answered her question first… "What do you think?"

"Are you sure? I mean now?"

He dropped a quick kiss to her lips and looked her in the eyes. "Yes. Unless you feel like you need to wait…"

The quick shake of her head made his grin kick up more at the corners of his mouth. He rose from her couch then and held out his hand…just like he had done so many times in the past at her father's bar…when he wanted her to dance…And just as she had then, she took it and allowed him to lead the next steps.

It was with soft laughter and fumbling hands they helped each other undress in her bedroom. She chuckled at the trouble he had with her bra clasp. He grinned when he discovered she was just a bit ticklish in certain spots. When he finally backed her over to the bed and followed her down, he paused just a minute to smooth her hair back and look in her eyes… "I love you, Jordan," he quietly admitted.

She stilled under him, holding his gaze with her own… "I love you, too…." He kissed her again then…deeper than before.

Her touch had been the softest he had ever known…trailing down his chest and over his waist, then up and over his back, pulling him closer. He responded by sliding down her body, softly kissing his way to her navel and then back up to her lips, sliding his thigh between her legs…

He took his time, making sure she was with him every step of the way, not holding back anything, noting each soft moan or sigh she gave. When he finally felt the clinching of her body around him, he smiled to himself, but soon was following her right over that edge, collapsing in her arms at the end.

For long moments, they both just lay there….not saying anything, making the minutes and the feelings last just as long as they could. Finally, it was Jordan who broke the silence. "Was it worth waiting for?"

His response was a long kiss. "Hmmmm. I think so."

"You _think_ so?"

Woody looked down at her and grinned. "Sorry…bad choice of words. Definitely. Definitely worth the wait." He rolled over on his back and took her with him. "So now what Jordan? We've built a relationship….it's solid…..I love you, you love me…what's next?"

"I think you were right to begin with…we just need to give it time…"

* * *

"Are you about ready?" Woody called out to Jordan from the living room of her townhouse.

"Yeah…just need to put her presents in the gift bag and I'll be right out."

Woody smiled to himself. Jordan had been right. The time that they gave their relationship had been good and rewarding. He thought that he knew her well, but had come to find out he didn't know half the complexities that made up her character. In return, his deeper understanding of her had softened her rough edges even more…making her more of a woman than he knew what to do with sometimes.

She had explained to him why she had wanted a baby. How taking care of Joy had not only made her life feel complete, she felt like she was redeeming her soul and her past from everything she had done. "When I picked her up from that bassinet basket and got her to stop crying at the crime scene…all the time I took care of her….I felt like I was somehow making right all the wrongs I had done in my life. She was more than my 'just and noble cause,' she was my key to redemption."

He had nodded and pulled her closer after her confession, but had worried that Jordan felt that she was so flawed that she would never get over that emotion. "Sweetheart, you've done a great deal of good in your life…you've helped victims' families in more ways than anyone else I know…you take care of your friends….you love me." She had smiled through somewhat teary eyes and thanked him. He had worked hard to make sure she knew how much he loved her each day…that she was special just because she was Jordan… Something he was increasingly sure no one else had ever done.

The efforts were sometimes monumental on his part, but the rewards were extremely compelling. Their relationship was as solid as their love for each other. And while no commitment had been spoken between them yet, unbeknownst to Jordan, Woody had put a down payment on a diamond solitaire at a local jewelry store.

"I'm ready," she finally announced, coming from her bedroom. Dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, she looked the part….of an "aunt" getting ready to go to see her niece. Joy had come back into Jordan's life. The child's aunt and uncle had returned to the states when his tour of duty was over in Germany and had asked Jordan to play an active role in Joy's life again. A role that Jordan assumed with great gusto…and indulgence. Woody shook his head. He had never seen anyone agonize so long in the toy store over whether to by an educational toy or one that was just plain fun. In the end, she had bought both. And three outfits.

"You're going to spoil her, you know that, don't you?" he asked her as they were leaving.

"That's my job…I'm her aunt…I can spoil her and give her back."

"Just remember, Jordan Marie….payback is hell. When you finally have a baby, someone will do the same thing to you."

"Yeah, well…that's probably several years off and I'll worry about that then."

Woody grinned and started the car. Just let her keep thinking that….


End file.
